We're Gonna Live
by thebigbadspike
Summary: Takes place after the series final. Buffy, Dawn, and Willow try to live a somewhat normal life after Sunnydale. I do not own anything to do with Buffy, I just write the story.
1. Chapter 1

"Yea Buffy, what are we gonna do now?" Dawn looked from the Sunnydale crater to her sister.  
Buffy simply smiled for a while before responding "We're gonna live, Dawn."

Living was much harder than Buffy originally thought. For the first few months they all lived together. But one by one they left. Giles went back to England to help the Watcher Council put itself back together. Soon after Andrew followed him hoping to become a watcher himself. Faith and Robin moved to LA to join Angel Investigations. Kennedy moved out after her and Willow broke up, but no one knew where she went. Xander got a construction job across town and moved to an apartment that wasn't so far away and he managed to visit frequently. Willow was the only one still with Buffy and Dawn, and for that Buffy was eternally grateful.

Not that she was incapable of supporting her and Dawn, but having another income did help. Buffy didn't make much at The Burger Place, and she was thinking about going back to college. Even more than the financial help though Willow kept things going.

* * *

_"I love you"_  
_"No you don't. But thanks for saying it."_

The sound of Dawn's alarm woke Buffy up. Her head felt foggy and her chest tight. Why did she have to dream about his death so often? "Buffy," Willow poked her head through the doorway "oh, bad dream? It's ok, I'll get Dawn to school today." she gave her friend a small encouraging smile before pulling the door closed. Buffy stared at the ceiling for a while, listening to the others get around. Once they were gone she slowly rolled out of bed and made her way to the kitchen for breakfast. As usual on mornings like this Willow had set a plate of pancakes on the counter with a sticky note that had a smiley face on it. The pancakes stuck in her throat like usual, and like usual she washed them down with a glass of orange juice.

The rest of her day was pretty typical as well Get dressed, go to work, deal with impolite customers and impatient coworkers, go home, get changed, fix dinner, and help Dawn with her homework.

"Ugg" Dawn rested her head on the table. "Math is so hard. Can I switch to reading now?" Buffy glanced over Dawn to the couch where Willow sat curled up with her own book. She gave Buffy a small nod. Buffy handed Dawn her copy of Lord of the Flies. "Thanks sis."  
"Maybe Willow can help you with math after your chapter" Buffy suggested hopefully. To her relief Willow gave her the thumbs up. "Great, I'm gonna lay down for a bit. If anyone needs me you know where I am."

Dawn sat on the couch next to Willow and opened her book. Once Buffy had vanished into her room both girls put their books down and looked at each other. "She's getting better" Willow whispered.

"How long is this going to take?" Dawn sat Indian style facing Willow, her hands folded on the book in her lap and concern tainting every inch of her face. Willow placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I know," she sighed "it'll take time, but there's got to be something we can do to help, right? A...a spell, or-"

"Dawn," Willow cut her off. "I'm not doing a spell on your sister." Dawns shoulders sunk. It was clear that was her only hope anymore, and Willow had shut even that down. "I'm sorry sweetie " It was hard to see her like this, Willow saw her as her own little sister and wished she could make everything alright again. "I can make us some cocoa..."

"ok...yea, that sounds good."

Soft snoring emitted from Buffy's room. "Guess I wont ask her if she wants any. Work on your book and I'll bring it to you when it's ready." Willow was used to this, trying to comfort her surrogate family. The Summers' girls really relied on her. Not that she minded. What with Kennedy gone she didn't have much besides her work as tech support. Willow thought about this, about everything that has happened, as she fixed their hot chocolate and almost didn't notice the knocking on the door.

"I'll get it!" Dawn jumped from the couch.

"You keep reading, Missy " Willow shot her a look that said 'i see what you're trying to do but it wont work'. "It's probably someone with the wrong apartment number again. Those guys in 233 sure seem to have mistyped their address on all their party flyers or whatever." There was more knocking. Impatient sounding. 'Must really want in to that party' Willow thought reaching the door 'poor guy's got the wrong place though'.

The door swung open and Willow looked like she was going to say something but stopped. Mouth agape she starred at the visitor. "Hey Red, wanna invite me in?"

She blinked a few times as if she thought she might be seeing things. Finally she was able to breathe out a small "...Spike?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Spike you're but you how...what?" Willow struggled to form anything coherent. _Spike was dead_. Well, of course he was already _dead_, being a vampire and all, but he was **_really_** dead. **_Gone_** dead.

Spike gave her a weary half-smile "Funny, I would have thought you'd be used to people coming back by now." An awkward silence settled between them and he shifted uncomfortably. "So...Buffy home?"

"She's asleep."

"Oh..." Spike glanced beyond Willow as best he could. He couldn't see much because Willow stopped everything when she saw him, meaning the door was mostly still closed. "Looks like a nice place."

Willow snapped out of her shock enough to pulled the door open more "umm yea, you can come in"

Spike stepped around her and into the small living space. He took in everything; the empty walls, the used-to-be-white carpet, the neglected looking television, faded recliner, scattered combination of school books and spell books on the coffee table in front of the couch, and Dawn glaring intently at some book in her lap apparently oblivious to their guest. "What you readin', Little Bit?"

Dawns head snapped up so quickly Willow thought she could have given herself whiplash. Her eyes widened. "Oh. My. God." abandoning her book Dawn plowed into Spike, wrapping her arms around him. Spike barely hesitated a second before hugging her back.

"Guess it's not that good a book, huh?" Spike tried to let her go but she was still hugging him tightly.

"You died" her voice broke as she began to cry. She tried to fight it but it was no use.

He gently wrapped his arms around her again and rested his head on top of hers. "Yea," he said softly "I missed you too."


	3. Chapter 3

"and I became corporeal again. Now I'm here." Spike finished his long, confusing story. Dawn and Willow sat across the table from him, cocoa cold and forgotten in front of them.

"So...you were a ghost?" Dawn finally interjected. Spike nodded, leaned his chair back and fished into his pocket for his mostly empty pack of smokes. "That's kinda cool."

Spike scoffed and lit his cigarette "Wasn't very cool from my perspective, Love."

Willow let everything sink in before she spoke. "Why did they bring you back?"

"My dashing good looks and charming personality mostly." Dawn rolled her eyes. It was strange, he had walked back into their lives not even an hour ago and she was already acting like it was just another normal day. It confused her how quickly she readjusted but she was relieved that she had moved past the embarrassing crying and clinging to him. Spike noted their skeptic looks and sighed "Look girls, it's getting late. I'll be back tomorrow after sunset alright?"

A soft thump echoed as Spike dropped the chair back on all fours. He swiftly stood and made his way for the door. "You're leaving?" Dawns voice was small.

'She's afraid I wont come back. Again' Spike inhaled sharply before turning back, fixing them with a playful smile "Try not to miss me too much." He didn't wait for ether of them to respond before disappointing for the night.

* * *

"Dawn come on, you're not the only one who needs to use the bathroom in the morning." Buffy pounded on the door again. Her complaint was met with a small groan. Buffy put her hands on her hips and pouted "Fine, you can fix your own breakfast then." With that she turned and stormed into the kitchen and plopped down at the table. 'Oh god' she thought covering her face in her hands 'those dreams are really starting to do a number on me, seriously, now I think I smell him? Get a grip Buffy!"

"Good morning" Willow called cheerfully as she entered the room. Willow, the only morning person in the house. Buffy grunted a hello a pulled herself from the table. Willow's expression turned to concern "Have another bad night?"

"No, no," Buffy assured her. "It's just...Will, you're gonna think I'm crazy, but" just then the bathroom door squeaked open "Hold that thought!"

Dawn dodged her sisters frantic flight to the bathroom. "Run me over why don't you" she called after her but Buffy didn't seem to notice "Sheesh." Willow gave her a small 'what can you do' smile and offered her a bagel. "Thanks," Dawn glanced down the hall nervously, making sure they could talk safely. "Do you think we should tell her..."

Willow shook her head "I don't know"


	4. Chapter 4

Buffy slumped up the stairs and slowly made her way to the apartment. Work had really tired her out today, she had been given mandatory overtime and not much in the line of breaks. Her legs ached. Her back hurt. And she smelled of gross greasy fast food. Part of her was grateful that she didn't have to patrol so much anymore. Since the potentials had been unlocked and they were no longer living on a Hellmouth her Slayer duties had lessened.

As soon as she opened the door thought she wished she had gone out in search of a fight anyway. "Buffy..." Spikes voice called quietly and he sat up straighter on the couch.

Buffy groaned inwardly. 'Maybe I should start seeing a therapist. This guilt is driving me crazy.' She turned around to close and lock the door, hoping the hallucination would be gone when she turned back. It wasn't. "Willow I'm going to bed."

Willow ran out from the kitchen "But...but you just got home!" She looked frantic. 'Too much alone time with Dawn probably' Buffy thought. She glanced back over at the couch where Spike looked sad and concerned. It was too much for her right now. Tears started to well up in her eyes. This did not go unnoticed. Willow touched her arm softly "Buffy?"

"I'm just...I'm just tired, Will." She thought she heard the couch squeak and Spikes boots clump towards her. Closing her eyes tightly she tried to tell herself that if she focused hard enough she could make the hallucination stop.

His scent enveloped her and she began to cry. "Why don't you sit down, Love"

Buffy tried to ignore him. 'He isn't real' she told herself 'Don't fall for it Buffy, he isn't here...'

"He's right, you should sit down, Buffy. You don't look so great."

Buffy froze. "What?" it came out barely over a whisper.

"I mean, you look great. You always look great. But...you don't look like you feel very good and-"

"No," Buffy interrupted, opening her eyes suddenly. Willow looked very confused. "You...you said...'he's right'..."

Willows eyebrows knit together and she tried to understand why Buffy was confused but it all seemed very, very simple so it didn't make sense. "Well yea, Spike said you should sit down and I thought 'he's right' so I said 'he's right', that's usually how talking works, right? Unless I guess if you're one of those people who don't think before they open their mouths, but I'm not one of-" She noticed Buffy's eyes where huge, a million different emotions swimming through them. "-those people." she finished quietly, embarrassed by her rambling.

Buffy turned to Spike, slowly reaching a hand out. When it touched his face her eyebrows shot up "You're real."

"Thanks for the update" he rolled his eyes


	5. Chapter 5

"But...you died."

Spike gently grabbed her hand from his face. "So did you."

Buffy crossed her arms and turned to Willow. "It wasn't me! Buffy I would never...I wouldn't do that again." The witch looked frantically to Spike for help.

"She's tellin' the truth, Love. Wasn't her." Buffy looked between them, brow furrowed in confusion. "It was tall dark and broodies new playmates who done it."

"Angel Investigations did this?"

"Angel Investigations? Is that really what they went by? Should have figured." Spike laughed and led Buffy to the couch by her elbow. He pushed some books out of the way and sat on the coffee table. "No sense hiding."

Dawn stepped around the corner dressed in her pajamas and looking kind of embarrassed. "You're supposed to be asleep Dawn. You have school tomorrow."

"Like I could sleep knowing this is going on out here? Yea right." She joined Buffy and Willow on the couch.

Buffy sighed "ok, but you better not give me trouble in the morning." Dawn rolled her eyes and mumbled 'I know' a couple times which seemed to appease her sister enough. "So Angel did this?" Her attention back on Spike.

"Wolfram and Hart did it. Angel wasn't happy."

"Wolfram and Hart are the bad guys though. Right?"

"Thinks he can change them from the inside" He scoffed. "Bloody idiot if you ask me. Even has Harmony working for him. Worst par of being stuck there."

Buffy listened in silent awe as Spike recounted his tale. Just like when he told Willow and Dawn the night before, he left out the bits about him deciding not to come back and working for Angel for a while. That was something he would talk to Buffy about alone. Or not. He was leaning more on the not. Buffy looked like she had been going through hell, he didn't want to add to that. When he was all done he looked up at Buffy who appeared to be holding back laughter. "You were a ghost? That's..."

"Don't say cool!" Dawn cut her off. "He doesn't think it was cool."

"What?"

"I said it was cool and he went ballistic."

Willow shook her head at the youngest Summers but it was too late. "I did not go 'ballistic'" Spike growled.

"When did this happen?" Buffy looked back and forth between Dawn and Spike. An uncomfortable silence settled on the room. Dawn looked down at the floor, not wanting to meet her sisters gaze, while Willow fidgeted guiltily. "Well?"

"He came by last night..." Buffy's mouth dropped open. How could they have not told her? "You were asleep" Willow continued as if she could hear the question on Buffy's mind "we thought...we should let you sleep"

Everything began overwhelming her. The sleepless nights, the nightmare, the feelings she tried to hide, the exhausting nights at The Burger Place, everyone leaving, and now this. The urge to go out into the night like she used to and kill something returned. "I'm gonna go patrol" She sighed. Ignoring the protest of her aching body she swiftly got up and headed for the door. Spike jumped up to follow her but she spun around and ordered him to stay. Or, she tried to. He noticed it sounded more like a plead than an order, but he obeyed. Watching wordlessly as the door closed behind her.


End file.
